Why Women Are Still Apprehensive About an In-Person Meeting

“I have been communicating with a lovely woman I met on a reputable dating site and we are both interested in each other. But whenever I bring up the topic of meeting, she either ignores it or stalls. What’s the point of being on the site if you’re not prepared for an in-person meeting?”

This is just one of the many struggles that men deal with on various online dating platforms.

Even with the vetting process that comes with a matchmaking service, some women are still hesitant or undecided to meet in person. What most men may not know is that it’s more than just fear for their safety.

Other common reasons include the following:

Yes, these are major concerns for men as well. But some women might be new to the process, and they can get cold feet when an opportunity to meet a potential partner comes along.

As a result, they might feel that they’re not ready to move forward or take that next step.

There’s also the possibility that any assessment a matchmaker makes in terms of overall compatibility may not resonate with that of the woman’s. Yes, it happens. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that the matchmaker is not doing their job.

A Delay Doesn’t Always Mean a Lack of Interest

In any type of online communication, the desire to meet is not just about having an interest in the person. Other factors come into play, such as:

Emotional connection. Finding love and building a genuine connection with someone takes time. Both individuals spend emotional energy trying to get to know each other.

The reality is that some men tend to be in a hurry. Just because women state on their dating profiles that they are serious about finding a partner doesn’t mean they’re ready to do it in an instant.

Some women may start to feel comfortable connecting with you in a few weeks, while others could take a few months. Men have to take that into consideration as well.

It would be counterproductive for both parties to rush into meeting each other only to find out after several dates that they are, in fact, incompatible.

Unrealistic expectations. Some women may have high expectations for themselves or for the men they want to meet too. That can be a valid reason for them to delay an in-person meeting.

So don’t just jump the gun and say, “Hey, I think things have been going great between us. Why don’t I visit you or you come visit me and we’ll go from there?” That, to them, might come across as too casual. They want the meeting to mean something special.

Personal circumstances. While a lot of apprehension is about physical safety, women also want to protect their emotional well-being. To them, this is not just a fantasy that’s about to come true.

Many of them are smart enough to know that finding a lifetime partner requires a lot of investment in terms of time and emotional connection.

They understand the benefits of meeting in person, but they also have to weigh their own circumstances. Even then, they may not feel ready to talk about their current situation with the men who are asking to meet them.

At the end of the day, you’re still a stranger to them.

Quality versus quantity. Lastly, keep in mind that you’re most likely not the only man they’re interacting with. Likewise, you’re encouraged to interact with more than one woman so you can develop better discernment in getting to know potential partners.

These women could be getting hundreds of messages from men a day. There is also the reality that some men aren’t as decent as others.

As early as the first few messages, what started as a wholesome conversation can quickly turn offensive or distasteful. These kinds of interactions can be traumatizing for women.

To underscore this, according to findings by the Pew Research Center, 60% of female users ages 18 to 34 shared that someone they met on a dating site or app continued to contact them after they said they weren’t interested. A similar study states that 57% of female users report being sent a sexually explicit message or image they didn’t ask for.

This is exactly why many of them train themselves to better gauge the intentions of any man they meet online.

The Dynamics of an In-Person Meeting

Unfortunately, some women can fall prey to the “pen pals” syndrome. Instead of calling on the matchmaker to help facilitate a fun, safe, and memorable in-person meeting, they enable their own desire for validation by prolonging the online interaction.

But delays can happen to men too. Day-to-day circumstances might make it difficult for them to plan and schedule their first in-person meeting, even when they are determined to do so. Uncertainties about the future can also be a setback.

Some women may have found comfort in the distance as well. As you’re communicating and getting to know each other, they might cling to the sense of control they have when they can carefully type out their response or whatever questions they would like to ask you to get to know you better.

But if you move forward to meet in person, the social anxiety that comes with it is different. They suddenly feel like they need to have a certain level of vulnerability for your interactions.

Their “safety net” has been compromised. Hence why some feel like they’re being pressured into meeting in person.

What if they end up disappointed when the experience doesn’t measure up to their expectations?

The Solution

It’s simple. You just have to be patient.

If they say they’re not ready to meet in person, take the opportunity to get to know them more online. This is especially beneficial if you’re both from different countries.

Yes, it can be confusing when women who seem interested are hesitant to take the next step. Take note that you don’t have to continue engaging with someone who you feel is stalling.

Dating platforms advertise their services by saying that these women are looking for love. But there is no mention that the connection or interest will be instantaneous. It will have to be built. Anyone genuinely interested in meaningful relationships would be okay with that.

These platforms are simply safe avenues for men and women to meet with the help of hands-on matchmakers and facilitated meet-ups.

A woman’s apprehension about transitioning to a face-to-face interaction is simply a reflection of her thoughtful and guarded approach to safety, and ultimately, what she hopes will be a memorable experience.

She will want assurance that the in-person meeting will be the same, if not better, than the initial connection that was built online.

Yes, these women are actively engaging, but they are also carefully establishing enough trust and comfort to avoid any conceivable risks in the future.