Insecurities in a Relationship: Are You the One Sabotaging?

Perhaps your constant fights are a “you problem?” Here are some signs you’re struggling with insecurities in a relationship.

Conflicts are common between a couple. You disappoint each other, make mistakes, and argue now and then. In a healthy relationship, you’ll discuss it, then kiss and make up.

But if constant suspicions and recurring bouts of jealousy fill your day, perhaps there lies a deeper problem.

One common yet unsuspecting cause is your insecurities in a relationship.

Often, when problems arise, couples reflect on their partner's behavior and the relationship. But have you ever stopped to think that perhaps the deeper problem lies in you?

1. Afraid to Lose Your Partner

Do you often doubt if you’re enough and have what it takes to make your partner happy?

If you have insecurities in a relationship, the most dominant fear is losing your partner.

It's usual to want to stay with them, but it becomes the opposite if you're constantly overthinking their actions and looking for signs they’re losing interest in you.

If you take their reactions and even random remarks as evidence that they’re unsatisfied with you and the relationship, you become defensive and constantly alert for the worst.

In other words, you fail to see the good in your relationship.

2. No Boundaries

Because you fear losing them, you want to keep your partner within sight. So, you resort to stalking them on social media when you are apart. Or, if they have plans with friends, you always want to tag along to keep watch.

If they ask for some alone time, you assume they’re tired of your company.

Understandably, you’re feeling insecure in a relationship. But such behavior disrespects your partner’s boundaries and will eventually suffocate them.

3. Jealousy

Almost every person who approaches your partner becomes a subject of jealousy. You’re anxious they might meet someone better or prefer their friends over you.

People in their life become your competition, so you keep them fenced to make yourself feel secure.

4. Demands Constant Reassurance

When you suffer from insecurities in a relationship, compulsive questions such as, “Do you love me?” or “Are you angry?" are a staple in your conversations.

You constantly ask for reassurance and compliments because you feel like their love and support are never enough. While these may benefit you, being the target of these inquiries can be exhausting.

5. Controlling

You want this, you want that, and you want everything to go your way.

Because of your intense need for security in the relationship, you try to take the reins, whether that’s where you go out to date, what they wear, or who they can meet. You want to know every detail about them and try to manipulate their thoughts to gain your desired outcome.

6. Overly Submissive

While most insecure partners try to take control, some can do the opposite.

Since you fear losing your partner, you’ll tend to submit to them. You let them decide and even ask for their opinions first to avoid offending them. You prefer what they want over yours, but you neglect your needs in the process.

Better Yourself and Your Relationship

Reflect and see if you possess the signs mentioned. Because if you do and they lead to more trouble than peace in your relationship, it might be time to learn how to deal with insecurities in a relationship.

Insecurities often stem from deep-seated wounds from childhood experiences or past relationships. That being said, seek inner healing through the guidance of a professional. If not, reach out to your family or friends who can offer support.

Once you take steps to change and attain self-security, this will also reflect in your relationship.